Leadership praise first. I first came across that idea in the Marines. It’s a solid way to deal with issues. Recently I’ve been working through Chet Scott’s Becoming Built To Lead and found the same idea. I’ve found Scott’s book to be a journey in a book that provides you with daily lessons in discipline to guide your path to mastering the art of living. I just chanced to find it while looking for a good book on self-leadership. This book has not been a disappointment. I could use a lot more work on myself. It is one of the better tools I have run across. Scott is quick to point out “I am a work in progress.” He has a wonderful way of showing one where to look to find where you need to work. I recently reached Scotts lesson on self-talk came with a bit of a twist. He summed the entire talk up in one word…Praise.
Praise
Scott sees praise as one of those things we both greatly crave. Yet, all too often we are sadly lacking any kind of praise from the most important source to us all. We all love the praise we get from our leaders, coaches and team mates when we are in the thick of it in training or on the field. We drink in the praise we get from friends and family as we go about our lives.
The trouble is that we don’t really have these folk there often. None of those folks are present with us when we actually do our best work or need some praise when we need a boost. Most of the time we work out there all alone.
Even if they are there, we are doing good if they just say ‘good job out there’ much less notice enough to give us some feedback at the end or aid us to build our confidence. That’s not that they are ignoring us. Everyone can be distracted. It takes very little for that something else to totally overwhem our awareness so that we miss the event.
Sad as it is, it is not?
The most important mental element in our effort to build confidence and strength of character is praise. All too often we get wrapped up in the big wins and the need for praise in those times. It tends to be the only thing we think about for both ourselves and those we are supposed to support. Though, we remember to do it with babies.
Praise the First Steps
How many people make time to praise their children when they take their first steps or learn to roll over? It’s virtually a universal sport. Yet once we advance beyond those years we forget that the little wins that are still so important for our own and those we lead’s development. The most important time to praise is found in the baby steps. With the major wins is fantastic but the little wins happen far more often than a major win or performance. Many more moments to get the confidence and strength building praise in. Remember going slow is a really good thing.
Good Leaders Praise
A good leader gets the praise in early and often. Praise for good work is the big thing that is remembered. That’s the essential job of any leader. But what of ourselves? The one witness to all of our wins and losses is us. We see it all. Yet, our own voice is not there to speak up. We are more often inclined to let our minds replay our film real of misses than speak of how we gave our best job. Real criticism can be good, but to be good it has to be aimed more for what will make us better, not ruthlessly critical and destructive. Honesty is a just act. If you did not get your heart into the game, admit it, but find out what is off that you need to fix too. Then fix that. First though praise what you did right.
Inner Voice
It’s the inner voice that we hear the most often when we perform. We hear it first and last. We need to remember to praise ourselves for the hard work in the moment when we do well, to know that we have done our best. The thing to keep in mind is the best praise comes from our performance itself. It’s a biofeedback loop rewards us for having done the work.
This is why the work itself is its own reward. We get back what we put in. Even a poor performance is still a performance. You will get something back for the work itself.
Look for the wins first. Find it. Celebrate that little win, even if it is just the fact that you showed up and hung in the game for another day. Take it. It’s a win. We can always find the time to evaluate the work for improvement later.
Praise then constructive criticism
One thing that has occurred to me that every coach, leader, parent, friend, and of course ourselves should have in play is the order of praise and criticism. In the Marines leaders always praise first, then criticize. In many cases it also best to leave the criticism for later when you can better judge the call without so much of the emotion and adrenaline running through everyone’s veins. We should remember to do that to ourselves the most.
Saving your criticism for later is one way to help the biofeedback do it’s job to build your confidence and feed your soul first. A bit of time allows you to gain more from a constructive look at the problems instead of just ripping through yourself in the anger of the moment. If you need it, schedule your criticism for later and keep the meeting with yourself, but focus on the wins. This has proven the best way I know of to keep that biofeedback loop working.
Inside Leadership
Our internal ledership is the most essential tool. I have found we get our personal biofeedback loop off line because we look to outside leadership instead of the internal leader within. That leaves us withou leadership more often than not. When we do turn on our internal voice we are too critical when we should be more celebratory. Remember there is a time to celebrate and build up. That time is for the performance.
My Take
In the end it is our self-praise that is most important for our confidence and our level headed self-evaluations guide us the best without the flow of emotions. The point is to not put the two together or in the wrong times. Praise in the win, especially the small ones. Plan a time to be critical of your performance after the emotions are gone and you can see it more clearly to make better calls on what you need to do. You will be a fairer judge of things and fix more.
The bottom line is praise. It is often the forgotten element.
Photo by Julien Flutto on Unsplash