Humility balances confidence as a writer. You need humility to accept changes that make you better like edits by a aggressive editor. Humility purges the ego along with the idea that we are the greatest that has ever been.
Humility balancing confidence in action
When we work on our humility we are not expecting praise for everything we do. Humility is a realization we need to improve and any rare talent we have is quite common among those about us. We gain humility when we realize and accept that we will always find ways to improve ourselves or that we are diminished when so many around us with as much talent. When we work in humility we gain, as Webster’s put it, “freedom from pride and arrogance.”
Arrogance
I have read editors speak of writers, long grown in years, who refuse to change a single word or even argue in confidence over the use of a given punctuation. For themselves, they could see no need for improvement. The tales of the great writers tells a different story. For them they used their humility to balance their confidence
Great Writers Seek Improvement
Even great writers like Jack London have labored under the requirement to constantly improve their writing based on feedback and have revised their master pieces accordingly.
Hemingway would tell off other writers like T.S. Eliot to “Kiss my ass.”, yet he still admitted Eliot was a good poet. He also admitted he had learned a lot from Elliot’s doctrines.
Heming way was far from an agreeable type. There are profane words for his type of personality. Yet he was a humble writer that took the time to improve his craft. I find myself wondering what makes my ego so special that I can not do what two of the most skilled writers of all time did? I can find no reason not to balance my confidence with humility. Still so much to learn.
No need?
Why is it so many see no need to learn to be better writers? So many take classes and yet insist they do not need to learn anything. When people leave school they act as if they know it all. Many seem to insist that they have all the skills they need to be successful in the field, have mastered the skill even, and/or that the rules do not apply to them. Could we be any more ego driven? It’s hard to fathom.
So are you ego driven?
I cannot speak for everyone but these are some of the things I have been told to look for when someone seems driven by the ego, and indeed some of them have been my own folly.
– Defensiveness on feedback. They argue the points or even dismiss critical feedback out right. I did this in my freshman English class more than once. It is amazing the teacher did not shoot me on the spot. Though, I was clearly marking myself as an amateur.
– Unhelpful in their own feedback. The ego driven cannot tell anyone why they found a given work good or bad. You can forget about a helpful suggestion to improve the work.
– Complain about having to give feedback. An ego driven writer will take all the adoration you can give them, but they really don’t see a reason to give anyone else any help or encouragement. This flys in the face of many great writers who are more than willing to offer a word or two in the right direction.
-Rarely follow the instructions to completion. This is likely the main reason ego driven writers tend to come up short. Their egos do not allow for another to correct their errors, so they will only half listen and then make up the rest of it on the fly.
Hardest part balancing confidence with humility
The hardest task for a writer is to admit they cannot take or really give feedback.
At times I have found myself avoiding my own writing errors and justifying them in my head. Even though I do try to be observant, I can still find the demon lose in my brain when faced with a hard judgment on the page before me.
Recently I even argued about the rationality of a Yost with my wife. I thought the acessment was too narrow mined on the over use of passive voice in a piece. I know I should have worked more to keep the percentage down. Much of my argument was a justification for a habit of daily talk. The fact remains I need to cut this habit down in my writing if I want stronger pieces. Said another way I need more control and I just do not have it yet. However, I will.
Acceptance and Improvement
I know I am getting better. The turn for me has been to work on my own self-awareness. That is not easy. Everyone has an ego. The admission that you need to work to improve is the first step, but after that developing self-awareness is not really all that easier. You are going to have to know yourself well enough to gauge your own ego.
The most constructive gauge of your ego is to ask honest and frank questions about yourself and then answer them the same way. If you are at a writer’s workshop or group, is everything about you or are you working just as much with others? What do you find the feedback like? Was it helpful, hurtful or useless? Are you constantly comparing your work to everyone else?
When you look for feedback:
Do you ask for criticism? Even when it might not be positive?
When you dislike someone’s writing, can you find something you find a positive?
When you talk with other writers, do you compulsively list off your published works?
An over inflated ego is not the same as solid self-esteem. The questions here remain are you willing to learn from others? Are you willing to learn at all?
The most useful awareness question: Why are you doing this/ Why are you here?
This is a profound and wide reaching question. It’s not just about writing. It’s about life. Learning awareness is based on understanding our whys in our writing and our lives.
When we enter into a new job, career or skill, we do not expect to remain who we were when we started. We expect to grow and change. Adaption is the key of life. Can we really live if we do not change?
So how do I learn to balance confidence with humility?
You can write a lot and submit a lot. Failure as a writer comes naturally with a lot of rejection. That’s not a bad thing. It simply means you have something to learn, even if it is something as simple as accepting a timing issue. You learn not just humility but also learn to take things as a professional. It’s not personal. It’s a learning experience. You might not really be ready. Relax. You are in the field. Taking your drubbing. It’s called paying dues for a reason. That’s how we learn and get better. This is the natural approach to grow and balance confidence and humility.
Take a class.
Whether it’s online (Udemy and Teachable come to mind) or a workshop (lots of them out there to choose from) or even take courses on a campus. It really depends on how you learn. From my take I wasted many of the courses I took in college mostly because I was more ego driven than I gave myself credit for. I am still working on that ego to get better, but there is always more to learn and further to go.
Whatever your choice though I would argue that your approach to taking it should be approaced more from a question of “What can I learn about myself” and “What can I improve?”
Join a writer’s group.
You want to place yourself in an environment where you can teach others what you know or give them feedback. Why? Because, as my Karate sensei used to remark, “You don’t really learn anything till you try to teach it.” The key here is to offer practical and constructive criticism or support. Try to keep it clear, concise and direct. You are not trying to be a jerk. You want good things to counter the weaknesses you point to. When pushing for a change, give a solution as well. When correcting give your whys and what is the trouble as well. You are not going to be too helpful if it is just I don’t like or get rid of…., and things like that.
I have found that when I give a solution for a problem, I am also fixing the same problem in my own head. We often are blind to our issues but we can see the same issues in others. So we can reverse engineer the solution for our own problems when we help others.
My take about balancing confidence with humility
Humility might not be the deciding factor of your success, but it can hurt your relationships and stop your career’s upward momentum due to a lack of the growth you get from learning. Too much confidence without the balance of humility can lead to downfall.
